Well, its finally here, a new year. As everyone will know by now, Im still hanging onto someone like how any silly teenage girl does.
A Big Thank You to everyone who has given me advise, and nice words, and those in the same shoes as me, letting me know Im not alone. Am so grateful to you all.
My parents who have always been there, calling me everyday just to make sure Im okay and surviving to see the next day, sending me parcels to make me feel better....Thank you.
Out of everyone who Ive spoken to recently, someone has made a great impact on things for me. I know this might sound odd, but strangely she has.
Auntie Liz, thank you for saying what you said to me today. Ive been thinking a lot abt it and it makes a lot of sense to me. U dont judge me, or shove me aside cos Im no longer with Jon, but speak to me like how a friend would and that really touched me. Thank you for all the kind words and advise.
Ya I may not have moved on and still long for him. Yes I still do miss him a lot and love him with all my heart. I will always be there for him when he needs me and I'll run to where ever he wants me too. But Ive made life difficult for him and it was my greatest mistake. And Ive got to live with that. He has chosen to move on, and I cant change that. Will we ever get back together? Im gonna leave that to fate. Cos it was fate that brought us together once. My heart longs for him, but I cant force someone to be with me if he doesnt want to.
Im NOT gonna date anyone in the near future, cos firstly, my heart and mind has been filled by one person, just him alone. And also, I just wanna be a better person. Not the one I became the last few months, hurting the ppl Im close to. In time to come, I may have moved on or I may not. I may end up secretly loving him I can never have, watching him with someone else in future, who knows? He gave me many chances, and I blew them all. So its my own damn fault. But one thing I'll always be able to say is, "He's my first love and thats what he'll always be." Nothing is more special than that, and its something no one willbe able to replace. Like what Auntie Liz said, I have frightened him away and he has become weary of me. And thats just my fault. I know Ive changed since all this has happened. But he knows, I say it and do it for a while and change back reall quickly. So Im gonna stick to it this time and make it for life. And I have so far.
I dont know what 2008 has install for me. Ive always been dependent of someone. Im just gonna try to get through this year by myself. Summer is just a few months away and Im gonna book my flight back soon. That gives me something to look forward to. Even though going back to my favourite places wont feel the same anymore, but the memories I have that I take along have always been good memories.
I miss home, I miss my family, I miss harry, I miss my friends and definitely I miss him*
*Happy 2008 everyone*
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