Well, its finally here, a new year. As everyone will know by now, Im still hanging onto someone like how any silly teenage girl does.
A Big Thank You to everyone who has given me advise, and nice words, and those in the same shoes as me, letting me know Im not alone. Am so grateful to you all.
My parents who have always been there, calling me everyday just to make sure Im okay and surviving to see the next day, sending me parcels to make me feel better....Thank you.
Out of everyone who Ive spoken to recently, someone has made a great impact on things for me. I know this might sound odd, but strangely she has.
Auntie Liz, thank you for saying what you said to me today. Ive been thinking a lot abt it and it makes a lot of sense to me. U dont judge me, or shove me aside cos Im no longer with Jon, but speak to me like how a friend would and that really touched me. Thank you for all the kind words and advise.
Ya I may not have moved on and still long for him. Yes I still do miss him a lot and love him with all my heart. I will always be there for him when he needs me and I'll run to where ever he wants me too. But Ive made life difficult for him and it was my greatest mistake. And Ive got to live with that. He has chosen to move on, and I cant change that. Will we ever get back together? Im gonna leave that to fate. Cos it was fate that brought us together once. My heart longs for him, but I cant force someone to be with me if he doesnt want to.
Im NOT gonna date anyone in the near future, cos firstly, my heart and mind has been filled by one person, just him alone. And also, I just wanna be a better person. Not the one I became the last few months, hurting the ppl Im close to. In time to come, I may have moved on or I may not. I may end up secretly loving him I can never have, watching him with someone else in future, who knows? He gave me many chances, and I blew them all. So its my own damn fault. But one thing I'll always be able to say is, "He's my first love and thats what he'll always be." Nothing is more special than that, and its something no one willbe able to replace. Like what Auntie Liz said, I have frightened him away and he has become weary of me. And thats just my fault. I know Ive changed since all this has happened. But he knows, I say it and do it for a while and change back reall quickly. So Im gonna stick to it this time and make it for life. And I have so far.
I dont know what 2008 has install for me. Ive always been dependent of someone. Im just gonna try to get through this year by myself. Summer is just a few months away and Im gonna book my flight back soon. That gives me something to look forward to. Even though going back to my favourite places wont feel the same anymore, but the memories I have that I take along have always been good memories.
I miss home, I miss my family, I miss harry, I miss my friends and definitely I miss him*
Who would have thought, the last day of the year, I'd be here in my room, alone. Thinking what could have been. Bringing in the new year, with a heavy heart. New year resolutions, Ive got tons, but it isnt of any use if I cant do it.
Ive taken things for granted, shoved you aside, not appreciated you and treasured you when I should. When it matters, I didn do it. But not when it matters most to me, you tell me its far too late. All Im asking is for a last chance. That last hope, to put that smile back on my face again. To build that fire that u once had for me. To bring back that spark. I know I have baggage. Lots of it. Who would wanna date someone who isnt there for him all the time. I wanna be there for you, do what I didn do when I should have done.
U use to call me the one. To me you still are. U were my first true love. U are my first true love. And thats why I wanna make it right again. I cant bring myself to love another, or let anyone else in. U were my world, and u still are.
I must have fallen head over heels for u along the way and at the same time, lost my way. Ive found my road and it always seems to lead straight back to you. You say its far too late, that you've truely moved on, Im just asking you to look into your heart and find me somewhere, somewhere that Im hiding cos Ive never left.
The last day of the year, the year where I had the best summer I could have ever imagined. The year where I started the year with you. And ended it without. The year where U've made me smile, laugh and cry. The year where Ive broken your heart and saw u walk away. The year where Im sitting here, asking the guy Im still in love with, to see if he could give me once last chance.
It has been a remarkable year. A roller-caster ride. I loved the beginning if the year. And I hated who I became at the end of it. I lost the one true thing that mattered to me. The reason why I wake up with a smile on my face and go to bed with sweet dreams. If only you could wipe that tear in the mornings and chase those bad dreams away. I'll forever be in debt to you.
Ive never stopped loving u, even when I was driving u away. I think abt that first kiss in July, it keeps playing in my head, and that last one in Sept. Up till now. I wish I could just walk away from this a stronger person.
But I cant seem to do it.
Cos all Im asking for is one last chance.
Makes me wanna lose myself, in your arms
There's somethin' in your voice, makes my heart beat fast
Hope this feeling lasts, the rest of my life
If you knew how lonely my life has been
And how long I've been so alone
And if you knew how I wanted someone to come along
And change my life the way you've done
It feels like home to me, it feels like home to me
It feels like I'm all the way back where I come from
It feels like home to me, it feels like home to me
It feels like I'm all the way back where I belong
A window breaks, down a long, dark street
And a siren wails in the night
But I'm alright, 'cause I have you here with me
And I can almost see, through the dark there is light
Well, if you knew how much this moment means to me
And how long I've waited for your touch
And if you knew how happy you are making me
I never thought that I'd love anyone so much
It feels like home to me, it feels like home to me
It feels like I'm all the way the back where I come from
It feels like home to me, it feels like home to me
It feels like I'm all the way back where I belong
It feels like I'm all the way back where I belong
The Notebook*
*The best love is the kind that awakens the soul and makes us reach for more, that plants a fire in our hearts and brings peace to our minds. And that's what you've given me. That's what I'd hoped to give you forever.
Christma Eve candle light service
Christmas Eve party at Sue's house (Kiera - the dog remember?) well nvm.. practically didn know anyone there.. was just talking to random ppl all night... oh Sue was housing 4 ppl from NZ and they were these huge rugby guys.. check out the guy at the back dancing with my Auntie..
My birthday cake*
The ginormous turkey that could have fed an army.. Auntie Valerie and Uncle Robert will be having turkey everything for months to come..
Table all set for Christmas dinner
Right.. to Princess.. my birthday dress.. nothing special so dont get ur hopes up.. dunno why I bought it also... my mind has been always on somewhere else so if not nice.. what to do.. buy and wear liao (:
oh and ya.. On my birthday.. 23 - the old cow*
Grandpa... looking so much better than last yr..
Boxing day dinner.. which turned out okay (: was missing my little helper in the kitchen*
Made Bak kut teh also along with these... learnt most of these dishes from Damus and Angel really..
Was so full after dinner to Auntie Valerie, Auntie Mary and I took a walk on the golf course which is just behind their house.. forgot which hole this is.. but wanted a picture with my farmer like Wellies (: well most of u will associate it with a fish-monger's boots..
My wellies*
Auntie Valerie sent Auntie Mary home so she and I spent the day in the shops in Glasgow.. Sales everywhere.. Ppl everywhere... total madness... Went for dinner at Dino's and had the most amazing, ginormous Clazone Ive ever seen... it was soo tasty as well.. wont have to eat for the next few days (: no food in the flat anyways.. whats new..
Well last year Auntie Valerie and Uncle Robert got Jon and I tickets to see a pantomine and this year she did the same.. she kinda bought 2 tickets for me and asked me to bring a date along.. but I didn really wanna go with anyone cos its something I hold close to my heart.. so I asked if she would come with me, as she'll appreciate it more than any one... This year it was the Sleeping Beauty. The same guy that played Wishy-Washy last year was in it again.. he was playing Chester the Jester this year and each time he comes onto the stage he'll shout, "Hiyah Pals!" and the audience is suppose to respond by saying, "Hiyah Chester!" its very interactive. At the end of the whole thing, they teach everyone a song with actions and expect ppl to stand up and sing and dance to it. OH I can always remember Jon singing it hours on end after the panto last yr.. drove me mental!! The song this year was similar to the one last yr but the lyrics obviously is different.. But it did bring back lots of good memories for me and a tear to my eye at one point (:
King's Theatre*
The holidays just bring back fond memories from the previous year, memories that I'll cherish with years to come.. Am back to hall life again.. back to worrying abt writing reports and studying for exams.. New year.. when's new year... Was good to get away from halls for abt a week... comfy bed, quiet nights, good home cooked meals.. Shared all of this with someone special last yr.. Just hope I'll be able to share it again sometime soon....
Time heals all wounds.. thats what it says, but thats not how it feels.. I feel so helpless being so far away from u, not being able to do anything, come round to talk to u and stuff.. just helpless and the only thing that I can do just makes u want to be away from me more... Im not gonna pretend that Im alright cos I have not been for the past few weeks and its eating me from inside.. and when I have time alone I just let it all out and it hurts so bad... it really does...
Moving on and letting go right now would be the best option. U've done it and u should be feeling more liberated abt it, but I cant seem to do it.. I just have so much inside me that is for u, and it doesnt want to go away. I care for u so much still, I think abt u all the time and I just love u so so much still. This has been the most painful lesson Ive ever had to learn. Friends tell me I should start letting go if I dont get anything in return from u since it has already been that long since u left.. but I cant seem to let go.. i just dont wanna let u go. Im still clinging on so tightly. How can I ever let anyone else in in the future when all I have inside is for u.
I must have cried a million tears, wished upon a thousands stars, pray a thousand times and wished on my birthday for u to just see how much I feel abt u too. Its always hang in there leslie, hang in there... Im hanging in for dear life.. I cant let go.. I just cant.. Like i said to u before.. U want distance while the thing I need now is u holding me tight saying everything will be alright, we'll be alright. I just wanna go home so badly. Wish this was all just a bad dream that I can just wake up from and U will be standing there smiling at me like how u always do.
Im not the same person any more. Im just so drained cos everything I do or feel is put into this and nothing else. What can i do to make u see that Im so sorry for everything that I have done which has gotten us to where we are today...
Im just so so sorry for everything... and Im missing u so much.. just so much... just wanna be beside u again...
its just u*
*Merry Christmas one and all
Here's to the start of the 1st day of Christmas with 11 more to go...
Thanks for all the birthday and christmas greetings
Just when you've thought you cried ur last tear, how much tears can one person have.. its days like this that catch you out, that u still find urself crying over someone u cant stop thinking abt no matter how hard u try... and the hurt that didn go away just intensifies... when all they want is distance to sort their feelings out, but all u want is to be close, so close that u could just hold them so tight and never ever let them go again...
*I miss you when something really good happens, because you're the one I want to share it with. I miss you when something is troubling me, because you're the one who understands me so well. I miss you when I laugh and cry, because I know that you are the one that makes my laughter grow, and my tears disappear. I miss you all the time, but I miss you the most when I lay awake at night, and think of all the wonderful times that we spent with each other for those were some of the best and most memorable times of my life.
*I never want to hold you back I just want to hold on.
Angeline and David - Opposites do attract.. Angeline the meat eater, David the vegetarian
Our long line of stuff.. had to get a taxi back to Angeline's place, couldn carry it all.. 
Our 'friendly" taxi driver (: 
Angeline haven had her dinner yet, so we stopped by China Blue for something to eat.. ended up stuffing ourselves ... 
Honestly, I must have listened to this song like ten times everyday, just the lyrics to the words seem to portray how I feel and think.. I dunno.. have always been a Westlife fan as well (:How can someone just constantly be on my mind. From the start of my day, till the end of it, everyday. I'll think of something else but at the end of that it always goes back to that one person. Someone who I just cant get my mind off. These miss you nights.... are the longest...
Its nights like this, when Im all by myself. I could've just pick up the phone and call anyone but its u I wanna call. Wanting to pick up the phone, to hear ur voice, hear u say u miss me too, and knowing I cant do that its just....
*With you my heart will always stay. With you my thoughts will be every day. You remain to be the one that I regret letting get away. Why did I have to say what I said? You are the one I will always use my wishes on. You are the one I will always wish was never gone. I'm constantly thinking of what I could've done that I never did.
Get ready for this one... 1, 2, 3.. Awwwwwwwwww..... (:
Well found out in the last few days that I wont be the only one going through christmas and new year with a broken heart... u girls know who u are*
Ginormous Tree on George Square that u can see from a mile away
Ice-skating ring on George Square.. sorry if u cant really see it.. bad picture
Royal Exchange Square - Love walking along this street when the lights are on
Christmas tree outside Damus, Angel' and now, Angeline's place (:
And last but not least.. the funky looking tree inside Princess Square, they always have the nicest decorations among all the shopping malls...
Right and ya burnt my finger.. whats new (:
