Thats exactly how I feel, or have been feeling... People are constantly asking me, is this your last semester? Have you graduated? No, Ive not and Ive got a year to go... the usual response I get.. Wah still so long ah? sometimes it just makes me feel dumb.. Asking me how old I am and saying so old still doing an undergrad where everyone else is working, getting married and just living the dream... I must admit Im not the brightest spark, having taken the really long route to where I am today.. still dreaming the dream...
In college, the motivation was to make it to uni. Year 1 was to prove to myself that I can be university material. And by year 2, I wanted to prove to myself and others that me, the one who's been failing subject since primary 3, can get onto the Dean's List, which I did. But what happens when you have achieved all your goals that you have set for yourself thus far... set more goals??
Honestly, Im tired. I am. Im not gonna sit here and say that I'm not. And I'm struggling to keep afloat. Every year it just gets harder and harder. Maybe Im having a quarter life crisis, heaven forbid... Not looking forward to getting back ANY of my mid-term papers... none at all.. absolutely dreading it. ABSOLUTELY. I dont want it back, dont wanna know how badly Ive done, dont wanna know, dont wanna know.
Arghh.. gets really frustrating when you're so near yet so far away from the finishing line.. I love what Im studying dont get me wrong.. but just not knowing what's gonna happen after I graduate doesnt really help.. Do I go back to SG? Do I stay in Glasgow? Do I wanna come to Australia to work? Only I can answer these questions and I dont have the answers to them. What annoys the hell out of me is, I use to have the answer to those questions. I knew where I wanted to be. Things change, life is unpredictable, life throws you a curve ball every once in a while and this one has already hit me in the head... hard.
I need to find that motivation, that inner belief that I can do this. Its been downhill for a few weeks now, if only wings that redbull gives were real, would make that climb back up that much easier... (:
I can do this
